I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
