Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
