Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
