I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
