So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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