and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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