why do cheetos always look like penises
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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