What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
