She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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