.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
