I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
