Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
