She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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