so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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