i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
