we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
