my sisters under your porch take her home
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
