You smell like a Billy Joel song
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
