Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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