I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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