$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
