it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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