I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
