He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
