Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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