you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
