Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i now understand why vodka
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
