if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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