I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
