Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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