not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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