and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
