Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Congratulations! We have a period
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
