woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
