he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
