you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
