I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
