This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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