I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
