ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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