I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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