Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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