dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
