There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
