i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
