eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
