Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She bit a glass in half.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
