I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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