a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
