Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My penis needs a shock collar
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
