I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
