My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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